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And that would be the pleasant, postage-stamp-sized country of Liechtenstein, and the capital city of Vaduz. Where the national language is largely Deutche-oriented. Not that good ol' U. Worse yet: he writes his emails das vay, too. And so it begins, with an email from "Dr. Aph Lack one of my former guises.

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The gist of it is simply this:. A form will be forwarded to you for you to fill out and return back immediately. This done your account will be activated and the copy of the ATM card will be sent to you for confirmation. If you are interested, you contact me immediately you receive this email. Waiting for your immediate reply. Okay, so it's addressed to a 'dead' character.

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That hasn't stopped me from responding before; and unless I miss my guess, it won't stop this Dr. Dankwanker from following up. Thus, Herr Phulovit responds, in his most flatulent faux sprechen:. Vhat ist das meaningk of dis?

Much more than documents.

Herr Dr. Aph Lack -- mine former associate undt comrade in arms -- ist todt, undt has been zo zince A proudt veteran of das Great Var, he served mitte distinction undt honor in my tank korps. May he rest in peaze. Ast you may read here undt grasp, I too am a var veteran, from my dayz in das Wehrmacht, 21st Panzer Division, vhen ve overrun undt conquered Iceland.

It iz goodt.

Manual Uh, Oh. . .a Skunk (What my Cat Tried to Tell Me)

Zo, vhat you write to mine dead comrade abouten, Herr Dankwanker? Undt vhat may I do fer you?

I thank you for the sad final news of Dr. Lack, but I am happy for your urgent response to my message and I am happy that your a vetran which means you can hanlde confidential projects such that will be trusted in you. All I require for more details to be given to you to secured this fund in your care is as follows:.

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Lack; he doesn't have the remotest grasp of military history; and he doesn't care my emails are atrociously written. Game on:. I vill be happy to provide you mitte dat vich you asken fer. However, I must pointen out das telephonen sprechen undt chat ist not pozzible mitte you; due to mine military service -- I vuz a tank gunner and later commander of das Mark VI Tiger tank -- mine hearing ist kaput.

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I can communicate in perzon undt on das computen machinen, but not over das phonen. Pleaze bear das in minden, bitte. Of course, das prinziple of zecrezy undt confidentiality ist vell ingrainedt from my military zervice, Herr Dankwanker. I vill not dizzapoint. This is to acknowledged the receipt of your mail and to notify you that the information's you supplied were duly received. I am more confident now working with you and i also noted your comment regarding communication by call because of your military nature and the effect of the heavy equipments on hearing.

I have informed the necessary agencies of your special needs. My good friend, I hope your doing fine. This is to notify you that the attorney which I engaged has been following your project because he submitted an affidavit of trust in your name to the relevant agencies processing your documents. I will get you informed as we progresses and I will also want you to be more determined in this transaction so that we will not west time in compling with the payments directives so to enable the fund hit your accoutn within the shortest time possible he doesn't waste time on a proof-reader, either.

I hope to hear from you soonest. At dis stage, ze ball iz in your zack, undt I vill avait your dispozitions in accordance mitte ze plan you have evolvedt herein fer das proceedingks to taken placen mitte dispatch. Vunce you have instructedk me mitte my rezponzibilities, I vill undertaken das role mitte expedience undt haste. Then, there falls a five day lapse of any further communications from Herr Dankwanker. Perhaps he's on to my hokey accent? Or he's taken a quick history lesson?

Or he's verified that there's no such Bundesnatchen Bank in existence? So I send an email tweak to find out:. I no hearensee from you fer das past five days. Are ve schtill on or vhat? Pleaze advise mitte dispatch. Thanks for your commitment which your recent message depicts. I will like you to note that everything is going on fine and i have received assurance from the lawyer that probably before ending of today he will procure the payment approval on your behalf from the Federal Ministry of Finance.

I have invested a lot of money to secure this approval, i willnot want you to delay once you receive payment instructions from the bank. I will want you to tell me the kind of account you have and also to let me know how effective you have been operating the account,because i will not want my fund to have problem with your authority once the fund is being transfer.

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And i will want you to send me your international passport copy photograph on receipt of this mail. I vuz beginningk to thing zat you vere not zerious about das business you vish to gibts me. I am gladt by das reply dat you have not proven das true. I vill avait your instructions regardingk das bank. Vhen you need it, I vill zend you mine passport from my zecondary email address; I have it schtoredt on mine business computen machinen. Which I quickly do, after establishing a zecondary email account fer das purpose of zending das passport, which he never questions.

I do like cooperation whilst faking my own, don't you? Labels: email scammers , humor , Nigerian ers , scambaiting , U. Labels: dying of all sorts of crap , email scammers , faux inheritance , humor , Mandaline Randybyte , scambaiting. Labels: humor , crotch crickets , Mrs Nadia Rashid , scambaiting.

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Skunkfeathers A Skunk with feathers? The Federal Ministry of Finance has finally issued the approval of the fund in your name through the help of the lawyer paid to carryout this transaction for us embodied, I take it, in the document to the right; my obvious enthusiasm over it can be accurately assessed also off to the right.

The attached copy has been forwarded to the Central Bank of Nigeria to effect the transfer into your accountant as indicated in the document. Please, take note at this stage of the transaction I will like you to be careful becuase the bank will contact you as the beneficiary of te fund, once you hear from them do not hasitate to respond because every process has been perfected and we are not ready to lose as I have invested a lot of money in making sure the approval was issued in your name.

Please do not let me down at this time, remember I am trusting you because we share the same profession we do? He's a scambaiter too? I also ask again for your international passport photo be sent soonest. I pray that God guide us as I wait to hear from you. I really hope God has a sense of humor over that 'un.